177- Your Turn to Talk: Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

Whether you're tired of being overlooked at work, want more say in your relationships, or just looking to boost your self-confidence, this episode is your first step towards becoming the main character in your life story, not just a supporting character.

From getting the respect you deserve at work to making your needs heard in relationships, we're covering all the bases.

So, plug in, hit play, and let's do the work together. 

Your next chapter starts now!

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Transcript

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew something wasn't right, but you couldn't muster up the courage to speak up? Or perhaps you've had moments where you wished you advocated for your own needs and desires and stood up for what you believed in.

Do you always do what others want you to do, never speaking up about your own choices? Then over time, you’re feeling trapped and alone because you’re not living your own life.

I am not exempted from this. 

This silent battle has big effects, messing with everything from our friendships and love life to how we move up in our job, in ways we might not see right away.

Welcome, my friends, to a journey of discovering who you are and what you are capable of. Welcome to a place where real talk meets real life. Let’s talk about self-advocacy, a skill so vital, yet often overlooked in the hustle and bustle of our our daily lives.

I invite you to stick with me, subscribe to this podcast, and embark on a path that could very well change the way you perceive and interact with the world around you. 

At its core, self-advocacy is about understanding your own needs, desires, and rights, and confidently communicating them to others. It's about setting boundaries, saying “no” when necessary, and “yes” when it aligns with your values and goals. But why is this topic important?

Yes, we go through life feeling like a background character in someone else's story, never quite fitting in, and always bending to the will of others. This is the reality when you haven't yet found your voice or recognized the power you have when you stand up for yourself. The problems stemming from this silent struggle are affecting every aspect of our lives, from personal relationships to professional growth. 

Think about your circle of friends or your dating life. If you're always the one who's compromising – maybe you're always going to the restaurants your friends pick, or you're watching movies you're not really into, just because your partner wants to – it can start to feel like you're not living your own life. You're there, but not in a way that feels true to you. Over time, this can lead to feeling disconnected or even resentful because it's like your preferences and opinions don't matter.

Here’s one story that you might relate to: Alex and Jamie are both hitting a wall at their jobs, feeling like they're constantly overlooked no matter how much effort they put in. Now, Alex decides enough is enough and takes a bold step. He went to his boss, laid out all the hard work he’s been doing, and made a strong case for why they deserve a step up. It's a bit of a nerve-wracking move, but it pays off – Alex lands a promotion that they've been eyeing, proving that sometimes, you've got to make some noise to get what you want.

Jamie's story, though, takes a different turn. Despite being just as talented and hardworking, Jamie chooses to stay quiet, thinking maybe things will just get better on their own. But as time goes by, that feeling of being undervalued starts to eat away at them, turning into a mix of bitterness and feeling trapped. Unlike Alex, Jamie's situation doesn't change, because he never took that step to advocate for himself.

This story is an example of why standing up for yourself at work (and in life, really) can make such a huge difference. For Alex, speaking up not only boosted his career but also likely gave him a massive boost in confidence. Jamie's silence, however, left him stuck in the same spot, nursing feelings of resentment. It's a clear-cut example of how taking action, or choosing not to, can lead to very different outcomes. For anyone in their 20s to early 30s, juggling the ups and downs of career growth, this story underscores a critical lesson: your voice is your most powerful tool, and using it can change the direction of your career. 

Whether it's asking for a promotion, proposing new ideas, or just making sure your contributions are recognized, speaking up is key. It's not always the easiest path, but as Alex's experience shows, it's often the one that leads to real change.

Now let’s talk about you, and your situation at work. If you're not comfortable speaking up in meetings, or you're letting others take credit for your ideas because you don’t want to rock the boat, you’re putting yourself at a huge disadvantage. You might have killer ideas and be putting in the hard yards, but if you're not vocal about your contributions, your career could hit a standstill. This isn’t just about promotions or getting credit; it’s about feeling valued and fulfilled in what you do. When you're not advocating for yourself, you're invisible, and that's no way to move up or feel satisfied with your job.

Your story of not speaking up for yourself can wear you down. It's like you're moving through life with a mute button on. This doesn't just stop at feeling left out or overlooked; it can seriously start to affect how you see yourself. If you're not asserting your place in the world, you might begin to question your value, which can take a toll on your self-esteem and overall mental health. It's a cycle that's tough to break, especially when you're worried about facing rejection.

You now know that the act of advocating for oneself does more than just address immediate needs or wants; it sets off a ripple effect, influencing every aspect of our lives. From enhancing relationships to opening doors to new opportunities, the benefits of self-advocacy are endless.

I know you’re motivated to step up, but how does one begin this journey? 

Realizing you need to stand up for yourself is the first step to getting out of this mess. This means working on your confidence, getting better at speaking your mind, and, really importantly, valuing yourself for who you are, not based on others’ approval.

It starts with self-awareness, understanding your worth, and recognizing the value you bring to the table.

It’s about realizing that your voice matters. It's about learning how to confidently say what you need, what you want, and what you deserve – whether that's in your personal life or at work. This doesn’t mean you have to go from zero to confrontational. It's about finding a balance where you can express yourself and stand up for your needs without feeling like you're stepping on toes. This can feel daunting, especially if you're used to staying in the background, but the payoff is huge. You start to feel more in control of your life, more respected by others, and, most importantly, you start respecting yourself more.

Heading down this path isn't easy, but it's worth it. It lets you live more authentically, making choices that match your values and chasing what you want out of life. This not only improves how you connect with others but also builds a stronger sense of self-respect and independence.

Constantly keeping quiet about your own needs or thoughts can mess with your head, leading to lower self-esteem, more stress, and even depression. When you always put your voice on mute, you start to believe you're not as important as others, which can make you feel even worse about yourself.

This mental struggle gets tougher with the pressure to fit in and the fear of what might happen if you do speak up. It's like being caught between wanting to be heard and being scared of the possible backlash. Getting past this requires guts and a supportive environment where different opinions are valued and open communication is encouraged.

The struggle of living without standing up for yourself is something we need to face head-on. By knowing how this silence affects our relationships and work life, we start to see why it's so important to find and use our voices. So, to everyone who’s felt like just an extra in their own life story: you have the power to rewrite the script. Standing up for yourself lets you be the lead in your life, making choices that truly reflect who you are and leading you towards real happiness and success.

Say, for example, Maya who always lets her partner choose the vacation spots, ending up on beach holidays when she's more of a mountains-and-hiking kind of person. It was only after she spoke up that they started alternating their trips, leading to more enjoyable experiences for both. 

You might probably think “It seems like this is a whole different kind of person, it’s not me. And wait, how do I start?” 

Listen, it feels daunting I feel you. But it’s manageable. You may start in small simple ways. 

Try this at work: Start documenting your achievements now. Keep a log of projects you've worked on, compliments from clients or coworkers, and any metrics that show your impact. This isn't just for a potential promotion conversation; it's a confidence booster for those days when you're doubting your worth.

And what about practising self-advocacy in low-stakes situations to build your confidence? It could be as simple as returning a coffee that wasn't made the way you like. These small wins add up, making it easier to speak up when the stakes are higher.

Friends remember, advocating for yourself is a skill that gets stronger with practice. It's about recognizing your worth and having the courage to ask for what you deserve.

Thank you for tuning in. If today’s episode hits home, hit subscribe, share this podcast with a friend, and join me next time for more real talk and real advice. I'm here to cheer you up every step of the way. Bye!